Engineer Jokes

[THE JEW (RaVeN)]

A mechanical engineer, electrical engineer and a programmer were out driving one day when the car died. The mechE was certain that it was a drive train issue, while the EE suggested an electrical solution.

The programmer said, "I don't know what's wrong, but if we all get out of the car, then get back in, it should work."

[THE JEW (RaVeN)]

This one's my personal favourite:


A mechanical, electrical, and civil engineer are all looking at diagrams of the body's construction. They each try to determine what type of engineer designed the human body.

The mechanical engineer exclaims that a mechanical engineer must have designed the body. Who else would have created the intricate bone structure to support the body?

The electrical engineer disagrees. He says that an electrical engineer must have designed the body. Look at all the nerves and brain neuron transmissions.

The civil engineer says they're both on crack. Who else would run a toxic pipeline through a playground?

[THE JEW (RaVeN)]

What is "pi"?

Mathematician: Pi is the number expressing the relationship between the
circumference of a circle and its diameter.

Physicist: Pi is 3.1415927plus or minus 0.000000005

Engineer: Pi is about 3.

[THE JEW (RaVeN)]

When considering the behavior of a howitzer:

A mathematician will be able to calculate where the shell will land.

A physicist will be able to explain how the shell gets there.

An engineer will stand there and try to catch it.

[THE JEW (RaVeN)]

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference.

At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train.

The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.

So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all).

When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.

To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding.

He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

[THE JEW (RaVeN)]

My low blow for the day:

The student with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The student with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The student with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The student with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

[THE JEW (RaVeN)]

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both."

"Both?"

Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office and get some work done."

[THE JEW (RaVeN)]

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

[THE JEW (RaVeN)]

Reaching the end of a job interview the Human Resources person asked a young engineer, who was fresh out of MIT, "What starting annual salary were you thinking about?"

The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000.00, depending on the benefits package, and I'd prefer to work only four days a week.."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a nice package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years ... say, a souped-up red Corvette?"

The engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

The interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it!"



**you mean I can't expect that? D'oh! **

[THE JEW (RaVeN)]

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

[THE JEW (RaVeN)]

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

[THE JEW (RaVeN)]

.........me using a slide ruler:

http://www.engcom.net/index.php?option= ... Itemid=73#

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slide_rule

http://www.hpmuseum.org/srinst.htm

[THE JEW (RaVeN)]

A mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, and software engineer are riding in a car. As they're going downhill, the brakes fail. The swerve back and forth barely dodging other cars, blow through a red light fortunately missing any cross traffic. Finally the car runs off the road into a field, where it hits a haystack and comes to a stop. The three emerge miraculously unscathed and the car is undamaged.

The mechanical engineer says, "The brakes must have failed. Let's take the wheels apart to see what the problem is."

The electrical engineer says, "No, I think the power to the hydraulic pump for the brake fluid failed. Let's look at that too."

The software engineer says, "Let's push the car back up the hill, get in, and see if it does it again."

[THE JEW (RaVeN)]

Exam answers:

http://www.holytaco.com/25-clever-exam-answers