Good Thing I'm Not Catholic

[THE JEW (RaVeN)]

As the Pope lay dying he is visited by an angel who tells him that before he dies, God has commanded that he must make love to a young virgin so he may know and understand the earthly pleasures he gave up his whole life.
The Pope argues for a while but then finally agrees to do it if certain conditions are met:

"First, she must be blind so she cannot see the desecration I will perform on her body!"

"Second, she must be mute so she can never repeat the unspeakable act I will be performing on her body!"

"Third, she must be deaf so she cannot hear the unspeakable acts I will be performing on her body."
The angel writes these down and begins to float away to report back to God.

Just before he disappears, the Pope leans forward and says, "One last thing."
"What is it," says the Angel.


The Pope whispers "Big knockers."

[THE JEW (RaVeN)]

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, me dog is dead.
Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"

Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature."

Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father.
Do ya'think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"

Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn`t ya tell me the dog was Catholic?"