Rick Mercer's Apology to the U.S.
Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2003 6:50 pm
Courtesy of Rick Mercer from This Hour Has 22 Minutes CBC Television:
On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the
United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently
and for that, I am truly sorry.
I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron.
He is a moron but, it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any
consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the
people of America. After all it's not like you actually elected him.
I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than
you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better
than your own.
I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse
would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours.
I'm sorry we burnt down your white house during the war of 1812. I notice
you've rebuilt it! ...It's Very Nice.
I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but,
we Feel your Pain.
I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against
a crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I realize it
took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but
that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.
And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly
apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly
veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. We've
seen what you do to countries you get upset with.
Thank you.
On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the
United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently
and for that, I am truly sorry.
I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron.
He is a moron but, it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any
consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the
people of America. After all it's not like you actually elected him.
I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than
you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better
than your own.
I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse
would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours.
I'm sorry we burnt down your white house during the war of 1812. I notice
you've rebuilt it! ...It's Very Nice.
I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but,
we Feel your Pain.
I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against
a crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I realize it
took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but
that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.
And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly
apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly
veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. We've
seen what you do to countries you get upset with.
Thank you.
